October 26th 2008
Hello dear ones,
I am back...tired but doing well!
The week was challenging, transforming and eye-opening. When you lose your bed, change your diet and miss food, don't get much sleep and get to know people who live this way all the time - you learn to appreciate food, comfortable beds, money and a house much more. In total I got about 35 hours of sleep this week! Thanks for all of the support and love during the week. You can read about some of my experiences below.
Abundance:
I found a $100 bill. The first night of the street retreat Al, Deni and I trekked up to the towering and mystical Grace Cathedral church which is a site for so many revolutionary spiritual activists to be heard. While walking the outdoor Labyrinth at around 9pm I looked down and saw a "gratitude" coin on top of a business card with something underneath it. I picked it up and to my surprise it was a hundred dollar bill. I read the business card and it says "Empowering you to BE your potential!" It is from a woman named Sherrie who is a Certified life coach in Portland, OR with the title "Supernova Living." This is mysterious and synchronistic on two levels. First I am on a street retreat with no money, no food and no lodging and I find a $100 bill while walking a Labyrinth in the dark of night. Second, in the last month I have changed my name to "Be," and the front of the card has "BE" on it with a spiritual/empowerment message. Most interestingly there were about five other people in the Labyrinth who walked right past the coin, card and money. For some reason I saw it and picked it up. I will not be spending the money during the retreat. It is SO interesting knowing that I have this money with me but will not spend it, even in emergencies. It is a constant reminder to contemplate money and what I truly need. My rule is that any money I wan't to spend must come from begging. In addition I will give away the $100. Perhaps to the Faithfool Fools who are just starting a denistry fund because it is one of the most neglected areas of homelessness. Or, I hope to find the right person or situation to give it to during the week. I will keep you updated.
The streets are filled with abundance. This is a theme in the Zen Master Bernie Glassman's book "Bearing Witness." I am realizing that this is profoundly true. Monday night while walking with Gillian and Al north of the Embardaro and searching for a place to sleep we ran into "Bo" a homeless man who gave us a bag of pastries and a small platter of wrapped veggies/dip that he had just gotten from Starbucks when they closed. On Monday while sitting under the trees during our group reflection a woman came by with a cart full of sandwhiches and handed them out to us totally randomly. In the same spot on Tuesday two men who worked for the city came by with extra food from a meeting and passed out canned soup, fruit and nutra-grain bars.Michael, a retreat participant was given two Mult-passes ($60+) by someone when pandhandling. They provide the abiliy to ride the transportation system and visit many of the museums for free. About 30 seconds after I told the people I was walking with that I needed some string, Deni found some on the sidewalk.
Sleep:
Sleeping is painful. While most of us do have sleeping bags or blankets it has been quite difficult to get a full nights sleep. I have heard stories about monks who can sleep in a full lotus sitting position. Oh, how I wish I could do this. All that separates my back from the concrete slab is an 1/8th inch piece of cardboard. Cardboard is everywhere and is a basic staple when living on the streets.The nights are tremendously long and never satisfying. Sleeping has become something that I crave and yet simultaneously dread. I've heard about people whom have a disorder in which sex is painful, perhaps this is the best analogy. Except of course one HAS to sleep and one does not have to have sex. In the last 4 days I probably have about 12 hours of sleep under my belt. On Wednesday night got about 20 minutes of sleep. I will write more about this in the next blog on Saturday.
The first two nights I slept on the steps of the Unitarian Universalist church on Franklin/Geary with some of the others on the retreat. We shared the space with about six others who live on the streets. It is loud from the street traffic and there is a bright light that stays on during the entire time right over our heads. On Tuesday night Al, Gillian and I acted on a tip we had heard from a homeless guy named Brian. He told me that he sleeps in a parking lot near the Transbay terminal (Amtrak, Greyhound) near the Embarcadero. We found some parking lots but didn't see anyone sleeping but did see many rats. So we searched for some cardboard and then tried to figure out where we would sleep. We contemplated sleeping near the Embarcadero close to the water with a great view of the Oakland Bay Bridge but we we warned that we might get hosed down in the middle of the night by street sprayers. It was around 9:30pm by this time and the three of us went back to the Transbay terminal and found what looked like an abandon construction site at Howard/Beale. The fence was bent down so we climbed over. It was located under a bridge. Wood, concrete pieces, metal wire, palets and debris were all over the place. We decided to build a little raised wooden platform to sleep on. We even put some plywood around the edges of our sleeping space to remain as hidden as possible. A few hundred feet away some folks had semi-permanent shacks up against the fence and we thought that the cops wouldn't mess with us because people had been staying there for a bit. I was definately scared as I didn't know the area, nor who was around there. We were vulnerable, in the open and under a bridge in an area that was sketchy. We managed to make it through the night. The plywood felt like a bed compared to the concrete.
Food:
Food lines are long and take up much of the day. At least an hour per meal, usually longer. There is a lot of food in this city, but it would be impossible to have a day job and try to stand in lines for food. There are two amazing weekly meals that we have found. On Tuesdays "Curry without worry" provides an excellent full plate of vegetarian curry Indian food for free in the U.N. Plaza. On Wednesday the First Baptist Church on Octavia/Waller has an amazing full dinner. Almost every day St Martin Depores a soup kitchen on 16th/Potrero has high quality, hearty vegetarian soup with fresh salad and bread. While there is some great food on the streets there is a lot of less than nutritious as well. I ate a "Riblet" the other day at Glide Church..Yummy! Remember those from high school? Yeah - pretty nasty, especially for a vegetarian. Not sure what is in it, but I will call it mystery meat. Breakfast has often been dry corn flakes or plain cream of wheat with white bread. Yum!
Stalked by "Sex Zombies"
For all of you in San Francisco, DO NOT sleep in Buena Vista Park. Al, Gillian and I slept at the very top of the park on Wednesday night. On the way up at around 9pm we noticed 4 men slowly pacing around the trails, looking like they didn't belong there and were very suspicious. About 5 minutes after I fell asleep at around 1am I was awakened by a man slowly walking towards the three of us. He was about five feet away when I spotted him. I woke Al up and he quickly shined his flashlight on him, although the man had a curiously slow response to us. We saw men, more like blurry shadows moving in the distance about every 20 minutes. Then about 1 hour later another man began approaching our little camp area and started circling us. We were totally creeped out by the fact that there were random people wandering around Buena Vista Park at 3 in the morning. Needless to say I slept for about 15 minutes the entire night. The next morning we ran in to a young couple who had stayed halfway down the mountain and more hidden. They had been warned about "Sex Zombies," gay men on heroin who cruise the park and mess with people while they are sleeping. They were told that they would stare at people and circle around them while sleeping. His description of zombie was so perferct because the men all walked very slow and didn't look they had much life in them. We certainly learned our lesson.
During the same night we did see the most amazing shooting stars that any of us had ever seen. Laying on the top of Beuna Vista Park we had a clear shot of the sky and there wasn't a cloud in sight. We saw shooting stars that were so bright and long that they looked like fireworks. They were so amazing that we starting hugging each other! We also had a hella good time chatting and sharing stories! It was definately simultaneoulsy one of the best and worst nights of the week.
The 4-Service Sunday
On Sunday the second day of the retreat I went to 4 spiritual services. At 9am Michael, Gillian, Melissa and I made our way to the famous activist and radical Glide Church for some soul inspiring gospel music! After that we headed to the "Homeless Church" at the Embarcadero at 10:30. There were some very cheesy, pop "Jesus" songs..."Jesus you are a tangible man, touchable man!" played on a casio keyboard with someone on the conga. After waiting 1.5 hours we were served the "pancake breakfast." Which equated to about 1/2 of a very burnt pancake and 2 slices of bacon. The same church was doing an all day music and food service, so we waited another hour and received some pasta, salad and bread pudding. We met "David" and his spiritual brother who were dressed in white and brown robes and were travelling through. They claimed that Jesus was alive in bodily form. They gave us a copy of the Ten Comandments. We also received pocket size versions of the New Testament from the evangelical Church group that was putting on the event. At 5:30 I made my way to a Lutheran service because one of our members works with the group and knew they would have food after the service. It was really cool, they were very interfaith, quoting Taoism and universal principles but still working within a Christian context. Next I went to the San Francisco Insight Meditation Societies Sunday service held at the UU Church. It began with a 40 minute meditation and was followed by a talk by Will Kabbat-Zin the son of the famous author Jon Kabbat Zin. It was great because a homeless guy came in and interrupted Will and shouted that he needed two bucks. I only had a hudred dollar bill so I couldn't help him out, but someone else did :)
Begging
Begging on the streets is a great spiritual lesson. It creates an immediate shift in our identity and understanding of power. Looking into people's eyes while many think of you as "less than" is a humbling experience. We all know how hard it is to ask for money for causes, well it is harder to ask for money on the streets. This is especially true when you are begging in a city that you know so many people in. All of the fears, anxieties, doubts and worries come and punch you in the face. From a spiritual perspective this is wonderful because it is great material to stay present on and breathe through. I would highly recommend the experience if you feel so inclined. You can then give the money away if you want. I made a sign that says "Raising 700 Billion for WalStreet." Unfortunately I wasn't in a good spot nor doing it at a good time so I got laughs but no $$$.
Conclusion:
When you go to the next social function whether it be a party, church, spiritual gathering, school or park I want you to notice how easily you will meet other people that you don't know. While some might be a bit shy in general we are introduced to people everyday that we don't know. We are most often are very polite and friendly and will be quick to make conversation or small talk. If there is anything that I would like to pass along from my experience it is that we can have this same level of fluid and open relationship with people who live on the streets. Rather than distancing ourselves, creating stories about homeless people or "othering" them we can converse, be friendly and listen. If someone we deeply loved was on the corner of a street you would most certainly stop and connect with that person. I do wonder what it would be like if we genuinely felt love and care for people on the streets like they were our brothers and sisters. Or what if we increased this level somewhat from where it is now? Ultimately it would mean we would have to disrupt our lives and break social norms. We might have to risk being "seen" with a homeless person. We might have to risk getting interpersonally close to a person living on the streets.
While providing food is a great service there is so often a lack of relationship that comes with it. When a church member hands somebody a sandwich in the park and then leaves without taking a moment to connect it makes me wonder why. Because relationships are the heart of a transformational politic. It is vital to form relationships when working for social justice and maintain them. It is only when you know someone and they become humanized to you and vice versa can real change occur. Otherwise it can often be superficial and hollow. I now know people who live on the streets and will continue to connect with them just like I do with other friends.
